


Plenty of Time

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tsukishima Kei is in love with Yamaguchi Tadashi, and it takes some time for him to figure out just how to deal with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowysatoru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowysatoru/gifts).



"It's good that we got a corner room, huh." Yamaguchi Tadashi chirped cheerfully, moving the last of his boxes onto the bottom bunk.

Tsukishima Kei just grunted. He was tired. It was six in the morning, he had been moving boxes since five, and had left Miyagi at three.

Yamaguchi laughed, and Kei closed his eyes, wanting to fall asleep to that sound. "Let's get you some coffee, alright?"

They got lost on the way to the café, though according to the map, it should've been a ten minute walk straight in one direction. (Yamaguchi was never good with directions) Kei wasn't upset at Yamaguchi for dragging them around in circles for half an hour, but he sure wasn't happy about it.

“Are we there yet?” He tried to say, but it came out as a grunt.

“I think-” Yamaguchi pursed his lips. “Hm. We may have gone in the wrong direction.”

His eyes were about to close when finally, the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans gave him a new burst of energy, but he could still just manage a grunt.

"Yes, yes, sit here." Yamaguchi dropped him into the nearest chair and jogged up to the counter, where a serious-looking black-haired girl in glasses took his order, and Kei didn't have to listen to know exactly what Yamaguchi got them. For himself, a shot of espresso, and for Kei, the largest possible cup of black coffee. Kei was too tired to ask Yamaguchi to bring him a bagel or something sweet, but he really needed sugar.

There was a certain pleasantness in knowing someone so well that Kei normally didn't dwell on, but he was glad for it that morning when Yamaguchi sat down with his espresso, a giant cup of black coffee, and two slices of strawberry shortcake. Kei took a moment and surveyed the spread before him.  Coffee. Food. His best friend. Life couldn't be that terrible, even if he was ready to faint.

Yamaguchi grinned, and Kei had to squint because the sun behind his friend was going to blind him. "I know it isn't exactly the healthiest breakfast, but our parents and Akiteru can't exactly going to kill us for it!"

Kei sipped the coffee gratefully, feeling himself finally wake up. "Yeah."

Kei listened as Yamaguchi chattered cheerfully about everything and nothing at all. Yamaguchi was never a good liar. Yamaguchi was _alive_ when he talked, his eyes sparkling with excitement, or his entire face crumpling with disappointment, his hands gesturing and he had dimples, Kei noted. Maybe Yamaguchi was a good liar. He just never lied. Kei let that thought drift around in his head for a while. It was a nice one, a reassuring one. For the record Kei, according to Hinata, had permanent "mightier-than-thou" face. Kei was difficult to read, but that had never proven to be an issue around Yamaguchi, so why did it matter?

Nearby, a couple girls whispered excitedly.

“I'm envious.” Yamaguchi commented suddenly.

“Hm?”

Yamaguchi sighed. “You never notice, do you?”

“Notice what?”

“It's nothing, sorry Tsukki.”

He said nothing and took another sip of the coffee. But Yamaguchi said nothing else, so Kei cleared his throat. “A gift.”

“Hm?”

“Coffee.” Kei added. “A gift from the gods.”

That made Yamaguchi laugh. Kei liked that better. So much better. “Tsukki, you can be silly sometimes.”

“No.”

“Tsukki, you're atheist.”

“Religion has very little to do with coffee.”

“Tsukki!” Kei swore that Yamaguchi was going to burst something laughing so hard. Nothing Kei said had been aprticularily funny. In fact, Yamaguchi seemed rather anxious. He was laughing too hard, and his eyes were flickering around the cafe, at anyone  _but_ Kei.

“Shut up, Tadashi.” Kei said, again, not really meaning it. Yamaguchi was smiling at him, looking him in the eyes again, but now it was Kei found it hard to look at him straight. “What?”

“You’ve been smiling more.” Yamaguchi commented. "It looks good on you."

Kei made a long face. Surely, only Yamaguchi could say such an embarrassing thing without flinching.

“No, it’s a good thing!” Yamaguchi protested.

Hm.

“Shut up, Tadashi.”

And he was glad when Yamaguchi didn't. 

"So, Tsukki, do you  _really_ think it was an asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?"

* * *

 

They've had countless sleepovers as children, pretty much living at each other’s houses during their breaks. But this wasn’t home, with clusters of shoes by the door and Akiteru’s old stuff discarded on the livingroom floor, and it wasn’t Yamaguchi’s place, where it always smelled like jasmine tea.

This was their place. Kei’s and Yamaguchi's. A glorified closet that smelled like mothballs and with uneven flooring. Kei’s feet hung off the end of the creaky twin bed and there was something suspicious about how lumpy the mattress was. Yamaguchi had laughed at his face when Kei discovered that the bathroom was first of all, shared, and also co-ed. Now, he didn’t really care if there were girls. They were on average more hygienic, the issue was having hormonal, unsupervised eighteen year olds sharing a bathroom. And Kei wasn’t even going to get started on the giant wads of hair that were stuck to the moldy tiles of the tiny shower.

It is a crap place, but Kei couldn't complain. He had showered early, while Yamaguchi had gone to check out Yachi’s dorm (she had just arrived). Unfortunately, by the time Yamaguchi came back, the hot water had become lukewarm. And then just cold.

“At least the water pressure is good.” Yamaguchi pointed out feebly, his lips shivering and slightly blue.

Kei played with the idea of kissing Yamaguchi, which would have been very nice. For a few seconds until Yamaguchi pushed him away.

“You’re going to catch a cold.” Kei grumbled, pulling out their only chair (a really uncomfortable metal one that made skid marks on the floor) and gestured for Yamaguchi to sit. Then Kei threw a towel over Yamaguchi's head, cracking a smile when he let out a startled yelp.

"Tsukki, what are you doing?"

"Draining all the moisture from your head. Sit still." Kei said, trying to keep a straight face as he tried to tell himself that no, Yamaguchi's shampoo didn't smell nice and that no, the freckles on his neck were  _not_ adorable.

"Tsukki, are you  _drying my hair_ _?"_ Yamaguchi sounded delighted, but Kei couldn't tell. He had a towel over his face.

"Yes. What gave it away, me drying your hair, or me drying your hair?"

"Har-har, you're hilarious." Yamaguchi laughed, and Kei felt a pleasant warmth was over himself. "Well, isn't this kinda nostalgic? My mom used to insist on drying our hair after baths whenever you came over!"

"Your mom would kill me if you caught a cold." Kei said. He leaned down and quickly kissed the top of Yamaguchi's head, the towel between them.

Yamaguchi didn't notice.

"Tsukki, I don't catch colds." Yamaguchi hummed happily. "But thanks, Tsukki. It feels nice."

"Shut up, Tadashi."

* * *

 

“Tsukki?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you awake?”

“No.”

“Do you hear that?”

Kei sat up, staring across the dark room at the blurry blob he assumed was probably Yamaguchi. He had been trying to ignore the moans and thumping noises from upstairs for the past hour. _Annoying._ “Yeah.”

“Okay. I can't sleep.”

“Do you want to borrow my headphones?”

“That's okay. Can we just...talk?”

“Sure.”

“I miss home. Do you?”

Kei was quiet for a few moments, but the sounds from upstairs became unbearable. “Yeah.”

“I miss walking home from school.”

“At least it is a shorter walk here.”

He pictured Yamaguchi shaking his head. “No, those walks were...nice.”

Kei turned on his side. “Oh.”

“I miss listening to you spout random facts to win an argument with Hinata.”

Kei smiled. “I see. I can still do that.”

“I miss those stupid plastic stars we have taped to both our ceilings.”

“Akiteru did that.” Kei remembered.

_“Nii-san, this is embarrassing!” Kei wailed, trying to pull the stars down, but he couldn't jump high enough. “It's lame!”_

_Akiteru smiled, unbothered. “C’mon Kei, I know you like it.”_

_“That isn't the problem!” Kei shot back. “What if someone else sees?”_

_“Who? You don't exactly have that many people you invite over, apart from Tadashi-kun.”_

_Exactly, Kei wanted to say. He was close to tears when the door burst open. Yamaguchi’s face was flushed and eyes were bright. “Akiteru-niisan, thank you so much! Tsukki, you gotta see-”_

_Yamaguchi stopped, and looked up. Kei’s face was on fire. “This isn't-”_

_“We match!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, delighted. “C'mon, I wanna show you mine! Thanks so much, Akiteru nii-san!”_

_Akiteru smirked triumphantly at Kei. “Why can't you be more like Tadashi-kun? You’re so uncute.”_

_Kei rolled his eyes. “Thanks, nii-san.”_

_If Yamaguchi liked it then that was fine._

“I miss him too.” Yamaguchi said. “And mom and dad. And your mom and dad.”

“I think they liked you more than they liked me.” Kei snorted. His parents adored Tadashi.

“Of course not!” Yamaguchi exclaimed immediately, ever so loyal. “But I miss them. Sorry, I know it's lame of me.”

“It's just four years.” Kei replied.

“Four years…” Yamaguchi repeated. “Four years is a long time. A lot can change in four years.”

“We'll go back soon for break anyways.”

“Yeah.” The noises stopped. “I guess so. Tsukki, do you miss anything?”

I miss feeling like the world is an interesting place. “Mom’s cooking. Though, I don’t miss living with Akiteru.”

Yamaguchi laughed, a comforting sound in the darkness. “Um, yes you do.”

Kei frowned.

“Sorry Tsukki. But...I’m glad you’re here. I would’ve missed you the most.”

Me too. Kei wanted to say something, anything, but he heard Yamaguchi start snoring.

"Goodnight, Tadashi."

* * *

It's really pouring out there." Kei commented sourly. "You sure you don't have an umbrella?"

"Sorry, Tsukki." Yamaguchi shrugged. His nose was red from the cold, freckles standing out even more against his pale skin. He looked like a strawberry.

"Should we make a run for it?" Kei asked, tugging at his too-thin jacket.

"Hm, why not?" Yamaguchi took a step out of the alcove and into the downpour. It occurred to Tsukishima that Yamaguchi had always liked the rain, for some absurd reason. His clothes quickly became damp, but was he humming?

“You’ll catch a cold.” Kei said, taking a deep breath and joining his friend.

Yamaguchi laughed. “I’ll be fine!”

Kei sighed, exasperated. “Tadashi.”

“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi mimicked. “But isn't it nice?”

“No. My socks are all wet.”

Yamaguchi laughed appreciatively. “No, Tsukki. Listen.”

So Kei listened. There was only the sound of raindrops hitting pavement. “My socks are still wet.”

“Tsukki.”

“Shush.”

But he didn't mean it, not really. It was kind of nice. Maybe just because Yamaguchi said so.

Yamaguchi shrugged, closing his eyes and humming happily. “Whenever it rains I think I am in the scene of a movie, you know. Like, looking out a car window with a sad song playing? Or kissing in the rain? A dramatic argument? It's like...I'm the main character, instead of just an extra.”

Kissing in the rain. Kei felt his heart leap into his throat. “That's so cliché.”

“I know, I know.” Tadashi laughed. “But sometimes clichés can be fun.”

His voice failed him, so he just watched the raindrops fall, plastering Yamaguchi's hair to his face. The song he was humming was sad. Familiar. They were both soaked to the bone now, but somehow Yamaguchi still looked amazing. Kei looked away, and turned his gaze to the sky. “Let's just go home. My socks are wet.”

“You are a cat!” Yamaguchi laughed, delighted.

“Cats don't wear socks.”

“Eh.”

“I have never met anyone so willing to put up with wet socks.”

Yamaguchi beamed like he was proud of himself. Kei sighed.

Kissing in the rain. Kei wondered if he would be forgiven for kissing Yamaguchi then and there. Kei stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged onwards, hearing the sound of Yamaguchi’s feet splashing into puddles as he ran to catch up.

“Right. Sorry Tsukki, that was weird of me.”

 _Cute. That was cute of you._ Kei wanted to say, but he didn't. He didn't want to lose these moments, just because he let himself get too greedy. He wanted too much from Yamaguchi, things he had no right to ask. So instead, he shrugged, flicking water from his hands at Yamaguchi, who returned by shaking his head like a dog, splashing Kei right back.

They walked the rest of the way slowly, wordlessly, Yamaguchi humming that same sad little tune. Kei was aware of how close Yamaguchi was. Less than an arm's length away.

“Let’s just get our stuff and shower first.” Kei said, peeling off his t-shirt as soon as they entered the dorm, using it to try and wipe his equally wet face. He gave a small grunt of annoyance as he tried to take off his jeans, which were plastered stubbornly to his skin. He left them on. When Yamaguchi didn't reply, he looked up, to find him staring. “What's wrong?”

Yamaguchi jumped a little, his cheeks turning pink. “Ah! Nothing, Tsukki! Sorry!”

Maybe the rain had made him feverish. Kei took off his socks too, so he wouldn't track water into the rest of the dorm. They were heavy with rainwater. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Ugh.”

Yamaguchi snorted. “Tsukki, you look like a wet cat.”

Kei shot him an annoyed glare, but didn't really mean it. “Tadashi.”

“Sorry Tsukki.”

He didn't sound sorry.

They collected their toiletries and a change of clothes. As they headed down the hall towards the communal showers, Kei snuck a fugitive glance at his friend. Yamaguchi was still wearing his shirt, despite it being soaked transparent. Water dripped from his hair, down his neck, and along the defined curve of his collarbone, which was dotted with a constellation of freckles.

Kei looked away.

They made tea in the communal kitchen, and returned to their room, each with a boiling hot cup of chamomile. “I’m sorry Tsukki.”

“What for?”

“I know you don't like rain.”

“But you do.” Kei said simply. “You like the rain, and soggy french fries and crappy romcoms too.”

“Sorry-”

“Thank you.”

“What?”

“Say thank you instead.” Kei said. He didn't like how miserable Yamaguchi looked. “It’s okay, Tadashi.”

_I’ll always do anything you’d like to keep you happy._

“I know.” Yamaguchi sighed, warming his hands with the cup of tea. There was a stray eyelash balanced delicately on his left cheek.His mug was bright yellow. Kei’s was olive green. “I'm lucky to be friends with you, Tsukki.”

 _No, you have that all wrong._ Kei wanted to say. He reached over and brushed his thumb along the bottom of Yamaguchi’s left eye, running across the constellation of freckles, the rest of his fingers gingerly resting along Yamaguchi’s jaw, palm lightly pressed against his cheek. It was warm, and his skin was smooth. Kei wanted to kiss him. It was all he wanted but-

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi croaked, and Kei jerked back. His heart was hammering so loudly that he swore Yamaguchi could hear it too.

“Eyelash.” Kei said lamely, holding it up for Yamaguchi to see. He was about to brush it away, but Yamaguchi grabbed his hand.

“Wait! I need to make a wish!” Yamaguchi grabbed his hand, closed his eyes and blew.

 _Don't you dare. Don't tell him, don't kiss him, nothing. Don't mess this up._ Kei warned himself. “Done?”

“Mhm.” Yamaguchi smiled goofily. “Done.”

* * *

 

“Little brother!” Akiteru exclaimed. “You never call! What's up?”

Kei winced. “Asshole.”

“Hey, don't be like that. Tell me, how is uni life? You're living with Tadashi right? How's that been? Can I talk to him-”

“Akiteru-nii. Mom told me.”

There was a pause. “Oh. Yeah. Dad was super pissed.”

“He kicked you out. Right after I left.”

“Mhm.” Akiteru didn't sound angry. Just remorseful. “They didn't like her. Wanted to keep you from getting involved in my mess.”

“Doesn't mean you had to elope without telling me.”

“You wouldn't understand.”

No, Kei understood better than anyone else. “She was crying.”

“Yeah...tell mom I'm okay, alright? I got a nice job here, and you know, Nana is a doctor.”

“Wow.” Kei tried to remember what this woman looked like. He had seen her once, in a picture Akiteru sent him from his trip to America. “Why doesn't he like her?”

“You know dad.” Akiteru laughed bitterly. “He doesn't like that she is...well, she was married before me. She's six years older than me, and some shit happened with her previous marriage.”

"She's okay?"

"Yeah. It...it took a lot of convincing her to marry me. And against my parents' wishes at that." Akiteru laughed. "I suppose rejection always hurts more after the happily ever after, huh?"

“Oh...did you ever worry?”

"About?"

"I don't know...the same thing happening with you?"

“Mhm. None of that matters though. She was perfect, and I had to give it a shot, you know? There is always the possibility of failure, of things falling apart, but I couldn't just...let the fear control me, you know?”

“Sure.” Kei clenched his hand and unclenched them several times. “Okay.”

“Yeah...but that's enough about me. You called about a different matter, right?”

“No,” Kei lied, “just that.”

 _What would happen if I tell you I'm gay?_ Kei wanted to ask.

He didn't.

So Akiteru's wife was married before. So what? 

_You know why. Even after the vows and wedding bells, it still can end. Everything can still crumble._

Kei realized that what he feared more than telling Yamaguchi how he felt, what he feared more than rejection, was being accepted. 

_"I suppose rejection always hurts more after the happily ever after, huh?"_

* * *

_“That boy sure is something else.” The teachers whispered to each other. Tsukishima turned away as if he hadn't heard. He put his headphones on, and Tadashi watched as heads turned, following the tall blonde down the hallway._

_He ignored the awful feeling in the pit of his stomach and ran after him.“Tsukki! Are you going to practice?”_

_“Yeah.” Tsukishima took off his headphones. Yamaguchi always noticed when Tsukishima did that, just for him.. He stood taller, and beamed._

_They walked down the stairs, the awful feeling building up in his stomach. “You are amazing, Tsukki. Everyone thinks so.”_

_Yamaguchi Tadashi could not be with Tsukishima Kei. Not in the way he wanted to. So this was more than enough._

_"_ So? Just going to wallow in self pity?"

No response. Tadashi stared at the plastic cup in his hands, small beads of water forming on the sides as the ice slowly melted. It was bitter, and cold, and Tadashi wondered how Tsukishima actually liked this type of drink. He looked around the room again, and decided that he should do laundry that day. He began to stand-

"Hey." Tsukishima's voice cut through his trance like a sharp blade. "Don't disappoint yourself. You are better than this, Tadashi."

_“So what?” Tsukishima asked, voice as dry as sand._

_“Nothing. Never mind, sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi looked down at his feet._

_“None of them are important.” Tsukishima said, like an afterthought. “They...they don't know me.”_

_Tadashi laughed. “God Tsukki, you sound so emo.”_

_“Hey.” Tsukishima adjusted his glasses._

_“Well, I think you are really cool!”_

_Tsukishima didn't reply._

_“Yamaguchi-kun. May I talk to you?”_

_Tadashi stared in confusion as the prettiest girl from their grade walked up to him at the shoe boxes. “Y-yeah?”_

_She smiled sweetly. “Your friend. Tsukishima-kun. Tell me about him.”_

_Tadashi shifted his bag and stared down at his feet. “Tsukki? What do you want to know?”_

_She giggled, and it was sickeningly sweet, like poison. Tadashi’s heart beat loudly. “Tsukki. That's cute. Um, anything, really. Does he have a crush on anyone at the moment?”_

_“Crush?” Tadashi asked dumbly._

_“You know,” she was growing impatient. “Does he like anyone?”_

_Tadashi’s heart fell into his stomach. “Um. No. I don't know. Sorry.”_

_She sighed. It wasn't like Tsukishima’s sigh that made Tadashi smile. It was an impatient one. The one people sighed when they didn't want to be around him. The one people sighed when they got tired of him. “Okay. Thanks, Yamaguchi-kun.”_

_After school, she cornered them outside the gates, asking to speak with Tsukishima. She batted her eyelashes and flipped her long glossy hair, and Tadashi excused himself, hot tears and humiliation threatening to spill._

_The next day, Tsukishima came to pick him up at this house like always, and Tadashi saw the girl show up with red eyes and no makeup. She looked utterly broken, and Tsukishima was okay._

_Tadashi swore that he would never be like that._

Tadashi beamed widely, accepting a tissue. “Yeah. I’ll work hard!”

* * *

They sat beside each other in the library. They didn’t really have any of the same courses, but studying was always something Kei had never had any trouble with. The same went for Yamaguchi.

Akiteru told him once that University would be different from high school. Kei didn’t think so, but it was the truth for Yamaguchi.

“I don’t really get it.” Yamaguchi complained, arching his back, stretching. He had gotten skinnier, the t-shirt hanging off his frame loosely.

“Let’s do another course for now.” Kei suggested. “I can help you memorize terms for Psychology?”

Yamaguchi grinned, but it quickly turned into a troubled expression. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

“Why?”

“I’m...wasting your time.”

Kei frowned. “Cut the crap, Tadashi.”

“Huh?”

“You are not a waste of time. Working hard isn’t a waste of time. It was you who taught me that, wasn’t it?” Kei kept his voice level, but his blood was boiling.

“But you are spending so much time helping me, and-”

“I’m your best friend. It’s what I do because I WANT to. That okay with you?”

Yamaguchi’s smile returned. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Tsukki?”

“Hm?”

“That was soooo cheesy.”

“Shut up, and pass me that Psych textbook.”

* * *

 

Hitoka sat across from Tsukishima at the café. She fiddled with her watch, avoiding his gaze.

"Where's Tadashi?" He asked, and she snapped upwards.

"Still in class! He told us we can order first!" She said, too loudly, stumbling over her words.

"I see." He nodded, standing up. "What do you want?"

Hitoka wondered if Tsukishima knew the way his face melted whenever Yamaguchi was mentioned. Her shoulders relaxed slightly, but then she processed what he had said, and leapt up, sending the chair skidding back. They both winced at the screeching sound. "I'll go! Really, I insist!"

Yamaguchi may have been baffled by her enthusiasm, but Tsukishima's eyes flickered over to the barista. He nodded, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "A large dark roast then. Good luck."

Her face was on fire as she approached the girl, Kiyoko Shimizu (That's what the name tag said. Hitoka didn't stalk her or anything!) and tried to calm down. "Hi!"

"Hello. How may I help you?" Her voice was soft, but low and mature. Hitoka gulped.

"A medium café mocha for me! And a large dark roast!" She squeaked.

Shimizu smiled, and Hitoka turned into a puddle. "Coming up, Yachi-san.”

Hitoka froze like a deer in headlights. "You know my name?" She yelped in surprise.

Shimizu turned away to grab the cups, nodding. There was a faint touch of pink to her cheeks. "I do. And Tsukishima is-"

"HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" Hitoka interrupted frantically. She shrunk back into herself when she realised everyone in the café had turned to look at her. Tsukishima had his headphones on and was pretending like he didn't know her (was that a smile he was hiding?) "I mean, he's just a friend."

"Just a friend." Shimizu repeated, turning away to prepare their drinks.

"Yup!" Hitoka nodded vigorously. There were a few moments of silence. Hitoka looked from Shimizu's back, to the ceiling, to the floor. She cleared her throat slightly. "Thank you. For...knowing who I am."

Shimizu placed the drinks on the counter. Her face was red. The dark roast had a small smiley face drawn on it, the lines crude and shaky. "Of course....and um, these are on me."

Hitoka's heart plummeted. Of course. Tsukishima was an attractive guy. This was nothing new, she was always a gopher for girls who wanted to get to know Tsukishima. Of course.

Hitoka trudged back to the table, miserably. Tsukishima sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, arms crossed, and a bemused expression on his face. She tried not to slam his cup down. It wasn't his fault. It was her own for being too...too...Yachi Hitoka. "She thought we were a couple?"

Hitoka shrugged, speechless.

"And then she gave those to you for free when you corrected her?" He guessed, sounding almost bored.

A lump had formed in her throat. She nodded again.

"And she gave you her number?"

"WHAT?" Hitoka shouted. An elderly woman cleared her throat, clearly annoyed now. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and gestured to her own cup.

Sure enough, in tiny, shaky print, was a string of numbers along the base. Hitoka turned to gape at Shimizu, who smiled at her kindly, with a small wave. Hitoka collapsed into her chair and promptly ascended to a higher plane of existence.

Tsukishima snorted and started texting Yamaguchi. Hitoka giggled, and he looked up, questioningly.

“You two sure are close.”

“I guess.” Tsukishima shrugged. He looked softer, less harsh, as he tapped away on his phone. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips. Not the sinister one he wore to antagonise people, and not the condescending one he wore with a sigh while rolling his eyes.

“You've known him since you were ten?”

“Eight.” He replied shortly.

“Wow.” She tried to push him just a little bit further. “What is that like?”

Tsukishima stared directly at her, dead serious. “Fine.”

“I have a friend like that.” Hitoka said. “We don't really talk anymore, because we kind of just…grew up.”

Tsukishima broke eye contact. “Tadashi and I will never become like that.”

“Of course not.” Hitoka replied. “I know. But does he?”

“What's your problem?” Tsukishima snapped.

Hitoka shrunk back a little. Maybe it had been a bad idea. Still, she took a deep breath and continued. “I've seen the way you look at him. It hasn't changed since high school. Probably longer-”

“Yachi.” Tsukishima shoved his phone into his pocket. “Don't push it.”

Hitoka frowned thoughtfully, staring at the string of numbers on her cup. She was almost certain that Tsukishima liked Yamaguchi. And Yamaguchi liked Tsukishima too, probably. She snuck a quick peek up at Tsukishima, who was drinking his coffee while simmering with annoyance. Some had spilled down the side, making the shaky smiley face look like it was crying.

* * *

 

“I want to go home.”

Yamaguchi spun around, shooting him an apologetic look. His hair was longer now, Kei noticed. Yachi had helped him tie it up in a small bun. It was held in place by a small pink hair-tie. “Sorry Tsukki, but I really need a new lamp.”

Kei sighed, forgiving Yamaguchi in a single heartbeat because he did NOT play fair. “We could just take a shortcut.”

Just as anticipated, Yamaguchi’s eyes widened as if Kei had just suggested they commit murder. “NO! We MUST walk through the exhibits as indicated!”

So they did.

“Tsukki, do you have to do that?” Kei smirked as he turned off another lamp. Yamaguchi sighed.

“I care about the environment.” Kei said in a voice that suggested that he was doing it just to mess with people. Which he was, and Yamaguchi knew it. They were still in the bedroom section. Kei looked around, satisfied to see the area a lot dimmer than it had been when they first entered but…

_Wouldn't it be nice to have a house like this with Yamaguchi?_

Kei could imagine it. Yamaguchi curled up against him on the large double bed, reading a book or watching a movie together. When they walked into the kitchen section, he could see Yamaguchi frantically cleaning up spilled tea (always so clumsy) and himself rolling his eyes while making coffee. And so on.

He shook the delusional thoughts out of his head. Yamaguchi was trailing behind him, a thoughtful expression on his face as he inspected the fluffy sky-blue rug in one of the displays. “We should get a rug.”

Kei walked faster. He still had his pride, and he did not want a fluffy sky-blue rug.

But he knew if Yamaguchi asked, he would agree.

“Hey, wait up, Tsukki!”

Kei had a field day in the lighting department, switching off lamps and ceiling lights of all shapes and sizes.

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes. “Why must you be like this, Tsukki?”

“I like extinguishing lights.” Kei replied with a satisfied huff as an entire wall of night-lights were rendered lifeless. An employee shot him a dirty look.

His phone buzzed.

[Akiteru: HEYY lil’bro! We have news!]

Kei stared at the phone, as if he would be able to transmit his annoyance digitally.

[Akiteru: Don't be like this. Don't you want a niece/nephew?]

His heart skipped a beat. Kei dialed his brother's number.

“What?” He demanded. “Is WRONG with your head?!”

“Nothing,” came Akiteru’s cheerful reply. “She's four months in. We felt like it was the right time to tell you.”

“Do mom and dad know?”

“They still aren't talking to me.” Akiteru laughed, though it was kind of sad. The tangle of knots in Kei’s stomach grew larger.

“Is she okay?” Kei demanded.

“Absolutely perfect, but she has been asking me to cook some really weird stuff.”

“Akiteru you CAN’T cook!”

“I can try!”

“You have. And the house almost burned down.”

“I’LL BE CAREFUL!”

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, walking over. He had two near-identical lamps in hand.

“Akiteru eloped and now his wife is pregnant.”

Yamaguchi's face turned several shades of surprised before giving a thumbs up. Tadashi was always better at dealing with Akiteru's crazy. Kei returned to the receiver. “Tadashi says congratulations.”

“Oh! Is Tadashi there? I love Tadashi! Let me-”

“No.”

“I miss when you were all taciturn and gloomy in high school. You were so much nicer.” Akiteru joked.

“Goodbye.”

“You always were scared I'd steal your only friend from you.”

“Goodbye.”

“Love ya, lil'bro!”

Kei hung up. Akiteru always managed to make him feel so damn tired. Yamaguchi was now examining the night-lights. “We gotta get them a present.”

“No we don't.” Kei growled.

“Yes we do!” Yamaguchi's eyes were shining in excitement. “Akiteru is having a baby, Tsukki!”

“Nana is having the baby. Akiteru is just moral support.” Kei corrected.

“You know what I mean, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi sighed, tugging on Kei’s sleeve. He was lightly bouncing up and down on his toes. “Don't you feel excited for them?”

“I hate kids.” Kei replied, with a smile. He is so darn cute.

“Still.” Yamaguchi paused. “Akiteru is starting his own family. That’s...really nice.”

_Do you want a kid? Do you want a family like that? One I can't give you?_

Kei shook his head again. That was wrong. He needed to stop...stop thinking like that. but suddenly, everything in the store seemed to be mocking him. The star shaped night-lights and the bunk beads and the dining tables for five and the picturesque displays all seemed to taunt him with things he would never be able to achieve.

But he didn't want any of it. He was just scared that Yamaguchi did.

“C'mon.” He said. “Let's go get some crappy cranberry juice and meatballs before we leave.”

Yamaguchi laughed brightly, clutching his stomach and leaning against Kei. “Oh my god Tsukki, meatballs?”

“They aren't that bad.” Kei muttered defensively, wishing that the pleasant burning feeling in his side would go away, wishing that Yamaguchi's laugh didn't make him feel the way it did, wishing that he wasn't so aware of the guy who was supposed to be his best friend in a way that one definitely shouldn't be feeling for just a friend.

And nothing more. Kei reminded himself. He looked back at the wall of night-lights that were turned off, and was surprised to see a single one near the top turned on. It was star-shaped, and was glowing brightly, all by itself.

Mocking him.

* * *

 

“HOLY SHIT!” Yamaguchi shouted, punching Kei in the arm.

“Ow.” Kei reached across Yamaguchi for the popcorn bowl. “You're gonna spill it.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei snorted. “I don’t know why you're so scared, that was awful-”

“Shhhhh!” Yamaguchi's eyes were glued to the screen. Kei liked nature documentaries. Yamaguchi liked cheesy American horror flicks.

So they were watching a cheesy old horror movie.

Kei rolled his eyes, watching at Yamaguchi instead of the laptop screen. They were sitting on his bed, surrounded by blankets and pillows.

(Yachi was there too, on the other side of Kei, her head in a pillow and hands over her ears, as far from the laptop as humanly possible. He wondered if she was even enjoying herself, or if she even was still watching.)

The twin-sized bed that he complained about on countless occasions to Yamaguchi about because it was too small was suddenly just right, in his opinion. Yamaguchi huddled closer, one hand gripping tightly onto Kei’s shirt, the other propping himself up. Kei could feel Yamaguchi’s chest against his arm, and lifted it so that he was hugging Yamaguchi closer.

“We can always move the laptop onto your legs.” Kei suggested, not really meaning it.

Yamaguchi tore his eyes from the screen just long enough to acknowledge him. “No. Too scary. Would break it. Besides, you feel safe.”

Kei tried not to smile like an idiot, or blush like a strawberry when Yamaguchi yelped and buried his face in Kei’s chest as a zombie bit into the head of one of the protagonists.

Kei thought these movies were god awful, but there was a reason he never refused when Yamaguchi wanted to watch one. “Scaredy cat.”

“Tsukki, don't be mean.” Yamaguchi huffed, pouting cutely.

Ugh. Kei was going to die young because of this.

“No, but see how they focus so much on the protagonists and keep the zombies as silhouettes or just in the distance? No special effects budget.” Kei said. “Or they spent too much of it on the composer. The music is quite-”

Yamaguchi shoved a handful of popcorn into Kei’s mouth. “Shhhhh!”

Kei yawned as the heroine’s throat was ripped out by a zombie. “You know, these corpses should be rotted and useless by now.”

Yachi stood. “I'm going back to my dorm.”

“Don't look under your bed!” Kei called after her. Her face went pale, but Kei wasn't worried. Shimizu was there waiting for her (It turned out that Shimizu lived quite a distance off campus, which gave Yachi an excuse to ask her to stay over. Kei's idea).

“You're awful.” Yamaguchi whispered. They both winced when the other female protagonist let out an ear piercing scream. Yamaguchi reached out to instinctively grab Kei’s hand, like when they were little. He squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand and Yamaguchi squeezed back.

_So fucking cute._

“No, this movie is awful.” Kei replied, smiling like an idiot.

“You hate everything.” Yamaguchi said dismissively.

“Not you.” Kei replied, without thinking.

Shit.

Thankfully, Yamaguchi didn't hear. He was too busy shouting, “BEHIND YOU!!!”

Kei sighed with relief. But he was also a little disappointed.

He decided to try and focus on the movie. Like a good friend. And he wouldn't admit it, but he got carried away by Yamaguchi's excitement (he could do that sometimes. Yamaguchi's everything was contagious) and did start to enjoy himself as well.

“Would you chainsaw a zombie in half to save me?” Yamaguchi asked as they stared at the black screen, credits rolling.

“We don't have a chainsaw.”

“Tsukki-”

“It's also highly improbable that there will be a zombie apocalypse.”

“Improbable?”

“Well, there are these types of fungi in the Amazon rainforest that possess bugs and make 'em jump to their deaths.” Kei paused. “Entomopathogenic fungi. Who knows, there may be species like that for humans.”

“You're amazing.” Yamaguchi shook his head, half in awe and half in horror. “Does not answer my question though.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Yamaguchi tried to keep a straight face. “When I am constructing my zombie apocalypse team, I need to know where you stand.”

“Fine, yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll find a chainsaw and saw a zombie in half. But you'd owe me, big time. It'll get my glasses dirty.”

Yamaguchi laughed (and oh god his laugh).

“Just for the record, if I join the team, we're bringing Shimizu.”

“Why?”

“Coffee.”

“Deal. You're the best, Tsukki.”

No, you are.

Kei never questioned that he was utterly in love with Yamaguchi. It came naturally, like a second nature. He knew three fundamental truths about himself, that hasn’t changed since he was twelve. One. Kei was very, very, annoyed with emotions that refused to be rational. Two. He didn’t want anything. He had no motivations, no idea of what to do in the future, and a boiling pit of nausea in his stomach at any given time.

Three. Modifications to Number Two must be made. Yamaguchi was the exception, and the cure, but it couldn’t go on forever. Kei couldn’t keep Yamaguchi to himself forever. He couldn’t keep using Yamaguchi as an excuse forever.

_“Tsukki, Takeda-sensei is asking to see you!” Yamaguchi skipped into the classroom, arms laden with bread and drinks (he had lost the coin toss). Kei felt his stomach do a small flip._

_“Yeah, okay.”_

_“Ooooooh, Tsukishima is in trouble.”_

_Kei glowered at Hinata, and gave a small smirk in satisfaction at the tiny orange kid shrinking behind his best blueberry friend. He avoided Yamaguchi’s concerning gaze and got up. “We have a Math test tomorrow. Study, fruit salad.”_

_Kei hated that Hinata was right, for once._

_“Tsukishima-kun, you know what I need to talk to you about.”_

_“Yeah.” Kei let his face crumple, just for a millisecond before fixing his glasses and his composure._

_“Tsukishima-kun, you have outstanding grades that can get you in any university.” Takeda said, with a soothing smile. “You just need to fill out the career planning sheet.”_

_His teachers never understood how he could be such a good student without caring about anything he learned, because surely he was just as motivated as successful. His parents always assured him that he’d like anything he’d be good at, and his friends…_

_Yamaguchi was going into literature. He always loved books, and wanted to work in publishing._

_Yachi wanted to major in biology. She wanted to be a veterinarian._

_Kageyama had a secure future as a professional athlete, if the scouts at every one of their games was any indication. Hinata as well._  
_They all knew what they’d do._

_“Your best subject is in math.” Takeda suggested. “Hey, Tsukishima-kun, try something for me. Close your eyes. Imagine the future. What do you see?”_

_“Global warming eventually leading to the destruction of humanity.”_

_“Try for something more positive.”_

_“A cure for malaria.”_

_“Tsukishima-kun…” Kei knew he was trying Takeda’s patience. “Think more along the lines of YOUR future. Where are you living? What do you see, smell, hear? Who is calling your voice?”_

_Yamaguchi._

_“I’ll major in that then. Mathematics. I’ll become an engineer...or something.” Kei said with a smile. “I still have time, right?”_

_Takeda nodded, not quite satisfied. “Of course you do, you are still young...but Tsukishima-kun, don’t hold yourself back. I am always here to talk, Tsukishima-kun. University isn’t the only path.”_

_Kei left Takeda’s office, and returned to the classroom. Yamaguchi waved, beaming like the entirety of all things beautiful in the world was captured in that one smile, and he just wanted to share it’s beauty with Kei. And Kei could see it, but only when it was contained in Yamaguchi._

Kei understood the problem, he always had. His pathetic pining after his best friend had consumed him since forever, blinding him from anything else. If he wanted to figure things out inside his fucked up self, he’d need to confront this glaringly obvious issue.

Kei didn’t notice that he was hyperventilating until the shaking of his hands splashed boiling hot liquid onto his hands. Kei took a sip of the coffee. That was something new. Coffee. He wasn’t sure when he became so reliant on it.

But he was distracting himself now. This was the reality of his situation.

1) Kei likes his best friend. Way. Too. Much.

2) Kei fears rejection, and losing his best friend.

3) Realistically, there is no way Yamaguchi would be the type to just...stop being friends over that.

4) In an imaginary universe where Hinata is six feet tall, maybe Yamaguchi will return his feelings.

5) That is the worst case scenario. Avoid that at all costs. Why?

_"I suppose rejection always hurts more after the happily ever after, huh?"_

 

* * *

He woke up three hours later.

Yamaguchi’s face was two inches away from his own when his eyes opened. Then, he kissed Kei. It was painfully soft, barely a brush, and Yamaguchi’s exhale was gentle against his lips as he pulled away. It was so light, so careful and then-

Yamaguchi’s eyes opened, and saw that Kei was staring right back up at him.

And then Kei realized three things. He could tell Yamaguchi right then and there. Confess.

He was already completely consumed by Yamaguchi. Giving him his heart would make Kei utterly unable to function without Yamaguchi, and the idea of being entrusted with Yamaguchi’s feelings? Terrifying. Kei thought of Akiteru's wife, and her previous, failed marriage. Kei remembered all those crying girls, the people he couldn’t make happy. The people he couldn’t make laugh. He agreed to go on one or two dates before they gave up on him, left him because he wasn't enough, or if they got annoyed with him, all those friends in elementary school who left because Kei was too _Kei_ and if he went through the same thing with Yamaguchi…

Kei couldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to Yamaguchi. He couldn’t do that to himself.

Kei wasn’t sure if either of them were breathing.

This was just like in his dreams (in his nightmares) and he knew what came next but the problem was this wasn’t a dream and he wasn’t waking up. 

“Tadashi.” He got up, and Yamaguchi took a few steps back. “Tadashi, I-”

“Sorry.” Yamaguchi sounded broken. “That was a mistake, sorry, Tsukki.”

“That wasn’t,” Kei insisted, his voice hoarse from just waking up. “Tadashi, please tell me, why did you do that?”

“Forget about it.” Yamaguchi shook his head. In the distance, there were the sound of crickets, and people laughing. Moonlight shone through their thin curtains, making Yamaguchi look like he was glowing. “Tsukki, just forget about it.”

When he turned to leave, Kei grabbed his wrist. “Tadashi, tell me.”

“Let go!”

“Tadashi.”

There were tears in Yamaguchi’s eyes now. That wasn’t supposed to happen. “Why do you want to know so badly? Do I have to spell it out for you? Isn’t it obvious? God Tsukki, just let me go!”

His grip tightened, knuckles white and trembling. Kei shook his head fiercely. He needed to hear it because there was just no way. Kei didn’t deserve such a blessing to fall right into his hands. And then there was a flood of fear. This couldn’t be real. “JUST TELL ME IT WAS JUST A JOKE!”

Silence.

And then Yamaguchi started laughing. Quietly, at first, and then louder. A cackle, mixed with sobs. “You think I...kissed you because it was a joke? While you were asleep? Is that your response?”

“It has to be.” Kei said desperately. “I...we can still be friends. Just…I can forget about it if it is.”

_But if it isn’t it would change everything. And if we take this risk I might lose you for good._

"Yeah. That's...a good plan. I...I think I'm going to go and, um...I just need some time."

"You'll be back?" Kei tried not to sound too desperate. "And we'll go back to normal, yeah?"

"Yeah. I promise, Tsukki." There was a bitterness in his voice.

Kei opened his mouth and closed it again. There was a ringing in his ears, growing louder. The room spun, and he couldn’t quite seem to focus his eyes on Yamaguchi.  
He felt Yamaguchi tear away from his grip. He heard Yamaguchi slam the door, and he felt the empty space where Yamaguchi stood, and then he started crying, silently, without moving.

* * *

 

It was all thanks to Tsukishima. Kiyoko took a sip of the tea. 

_“She likes you”_

_Kiyoko looked up, startled. The tall, blonde boy with glasses who usually ordered a large cup of black coffee was staring directly at her. She looked away quickly._

_He had noticed. A feeling of panic swelled in her chest like a balloon._

_“I won't tell.” He said. His voice was monotone, almost bored. “Her name is Hitoka Yachi. A first year.”_

_Hitoka Yachi. The girl with the really adorable smile and the cutest flustered expression and the sweetest personality._

_Well, from what Kiyoko could tell._

_“She likes you too. So, you know, ask her out.”_

_“How?” The question was out before Kiyoko could even think._

_He shrugged. “It doesn't matter. She'll say yes. Write your number on her coffee cup or something.”_

_Kiyoko shook her head, face burning. “She may not.”_

_"Hm?"_

_"She may not say yes."_

_“Well, she still may.” He shrugged. “What do you have to lose? It isn't like you guys are friends or anything.”_

_Kiyoko flinched. Still, it didn't sound like he was being deliberately hurtful. Instead, he seemed almost...envious._

“What do you have to lose?” He had asked her. Now she knew why. To him, he had the world to lose. Ten years of friendship and happy memories, burned to ash. She leaned into Yachi’s side. Her girlfriend? Could she call her that? In any case, Yachi was studying. Kiyoko should be too.

Tsukishima would be okay, she thinks. 

-

"Let's watch An Inconvenient Truth!" Hitoka suggested, climbing back onto the bed next to Tsukishima. Under normal circumstances, she'd be too flustered to do something so bold when Yamaguchi wasn't around, but this wasn't normal circumstances.

Hitoka could be stubborn when she put her mind to something. She didn't always do it well, but Kiyoko assured her that things take time.

"Sure." Tsukishima wasn't quite listening, but he humoured her anyways.

Sometimes several documentaries worth of time.

"The Amazon Rainforest one was really interesting!"

"Hitoka, you fell asleep."

"I-I did not!"

Tsukishima cracked a small smile. Hitoka didn't really think it was at her, nor did he really see her. "It's okay, Tadashi always...well, it's fine."

Shit.

"How about we watch something else instead? Something by director Ennoshita! With lots of explosions?"

"Sure." He rolled his eyes. "Like we didn't watch them all a billion times with the idiot duo."

Hitoka clicked on the first thing that showed up, and settled down with a bowl of popcorn as big as her torso. She wasn't really going to eat it all, but Tsukishima always found that particular bowl hilarious for whatever reason. It was a feeble attempt, on her part.

Maybe it was the neon green alien heads. Hitoka thought. It had been a gift to Kageyama from his TA or something. He had tossed it at Hinata who threw it to Yamaguchi who passed it to Hitoka, like it was some sort of undesirable, obnoxious thing. And Tsukishima had laughed.

Hitoka found the bowl cute, but now she was on a tangent.

"This is ridiculous." Tsukishima finally said. "The amount of shaky-cam they use makes it hard to tell what the fuck is happening."

Hitoka wasn't sure if she was supposed to laugh. Usually her role on movie night was to braid Yamaguchi's hair while focusing on the movie while Tsukishima and Yamaguchi provided snarky commentary.

She couldn't remember a movie night without Yamaguchi. Tsukishima and her never had one without Yamaguchi.

"You don't have to be so uptight."

Hitoka sat even straighter. "Okay!"

Tsukishima shook his head and sighed, but it carried no barbs. "Really Hitoka. I'm fine. Thanks."

Hitoka tried to sit back and be comfortable. It was hard, without Yamaguchi there to be her pillow. "W-what are friends for?"

"Watching shitty movies, apparently. I'm switching to a National Geographic special."That's right. They were friends too, not just when Yamaguchi was around.

Hitoka decided not to talk about it. Tsukishima didn't look like he was lying when he said he was okay.

He was thinking, she realised. "Is their something about Penguins?"

"There is something about Machu Pichu."

"Alright. Is...is that a pokemon?"

"Hitoka...it is a mountain."

"Oh." She summoned up all her courage. “Hey, Kei?”

Silence. More silence.

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think that you’ll lose him?”

“Maybe.”

“He does like you.”

“I know.”

“And he kissed you.”

“I know.”

“So why are you holding back?”

His face was stony, but his eyes betrayed him, shining with tears. “Because I won’t be able to bear it if he left.”

Hitoka leaned her head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “He won’t leave. I know it.”

“How?”

“Don’t you think he is just as afraid as you?” Hitoka shifted. “He told you to forget about it. He didn’t want to ruin what you have but…”

“But what?”

“If you guys pretend like this never happened, you can’t fix it. Your friendship will become like...like a leaking cup. You keep using it, and using it, pretending like it is still okay but there is water dripping down your hand.”

“But if we...if we become more than friends-”

“Kei, you and Tadashi have been more than friends for a very, very long time.”

Kei nodded, slowly. “A broken cup, huh?”

Then he turned back to the computer screen.

“What if he realizes I’m not good enough for him?”

“Do you really think Tadashi will ever think that?”

“He should.”

She shook her head, and knew it would be okay. After all, Yamaguchi was just as in love with him as the other way around.

“He won’t. And neither will I.”

What was it that Akiteru had said?

_"There is always the possibility of failure, of things falling apart, but I couldn't just...let the fear control me, you know?”_

* * *

Yamaguchi came back the next morning. Kei stood and walked over, his mouth dry. "Tadashi."

"Hey, Tsukki.”

Kei soaked in his features hungrily, searching Yamaguchi’s face desperately for any signs of anything. “You’re back.”

Why did you run away?

“I...it was wrong of me to run.” Yamaguchi reached forwards to take Kei’s hand is his. “I was just...so scared.”

They smiled at each other. Yamaguchi's was as bright as the stars, and Kei's was small and relenting. Kei could wait. It was the least he could do for Yamaguchi.

They were alone now. Kei stared at Yamaguchi and Yamaguchi stared back.

Kei swallowed the lump in his throat. He missed this. He missed Yamaguchi talking to him. "I'm...I just...I'm..."

"Hey, Tsukki...are you alright?"

It dawned on Kei that he wanted to kiss him. Again. It was a stupid thing to want, especially given the circumstances, but he wanted to kiss Yamaguchi. (Again. He wanted to kiss his best friend again.)

"Yeah. I'm just..."

"Sit down," Yamaguchi said, glancing towards the door. "I'll get you some water-"

"No." Kei shook his head. "Stay."

 _I'm hopelessly in love with Yamaguchi Tadashi._ Kei thought.

Yamaguchi glanced down at his hands. Then at Kei's. Then he bit his bottom lip and looked away again. He tried to smile, and Kei’s heart broke.

Yamaguchi was going to pretend like nothing happened. He was going to pretend like they hadn’t happened.

_I want to kiss him. I think I'll kiss him._

"Tadashi, right now I am planning to kiss you." Kei said, heart beating wildly.

"WHAT?"

"I was..." He looked down, at their feet, and took a step forward. "I was just too used to having you be around all the time and I got worried that you'd leave for good once you realised that I am just human, and not all that great at all."

"Tsukki, you...aren’t mad?"

Kei looked up. Yamaguchi was gaping at him in disbelief. He looked so good, with his hair tied back and his freckled cheeks flushed pink and Kei wanted to kiss him.

"I couldn't think straight." Kei looked down. "It was all I ever really wanted."

"Tsukki, you aren't...messing with me, are you?"

"I'm in love with you." Kei said. He didn't trust himself to say anymore, so he kept his head bowed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Tadashi."

It only took him a whole eight years to admit it.

It was Yamaguchi who kissed him. Again. It was Yamaguchi who kissed him again.

-

His face was burning. His mouth was on fire. Every single part of him that Tsukishima touched felt like it was tingling.

Tadashi couldn't quite breathe. He wasn't sure he wanted too.

It was his first time kissing. He wasn't sure he was doing a good job, to be honest. Tsukishima's teeth kept hitting against his. Tsukishima's breath smelled like coffee, to no one's surprise.

Tadashi hoped his was alright. He had just had dinner.

Tsukishima had a hand on the small of his back, pulling Tadashi close, so close. The other hand was on the back of his neck, fingers in Tadashi's hair. That was nice too. He liked the thing Tsukishima was doing with his jaw.

Tsukishima's entire body was trembling, until Tadashi kissed him harder and he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

He is in love with Tsukishima. Was it okay to admit it now?

-

Kei smiled against Yamaguchi's mouth, pulling him closer.

It wasn't a dream.

He wondered why it took him so long, why he ever thought he could just let Yamaguchi go.

-

Tadashi hoped he wasn't dreaming.

-

Kei was never going to let go.

-

"So are we okay?"

Tadashi wanted to laugh. He raised his hand, the one that was holding Tsukishima's. It still wasn't quite real. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry for… hurting you." Tsukishima whispered into Tadashi's hair. 

"You apologized already."

"Not enough." They both sat up.

"Tsukki. Really. It was my fault for surprising you like that."

"Are you really okay with me?" Tsukishima stared at him, in a way that made Tadashi's face feel as hot as the surface of the sun. Christ, he was so beautiful.

"I've been in love with you since we were kids, I am definitely okay with you." Tadashi kissed Tsukishima's bony, perfect knuckles, and marveled at his good fortune. "It should be ME asking YOU that."

"I'm not...I'm not as great as you think I am."

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes. "Tsukki, don't flatter yourself. I. Know. I am the only one who knows how much you hate wet socks and can't wake up without copious amounts of caffeine and was absurdly obsessed with dinosaurs until high-school and are absolutely helpless without your glasses and-"

Tsukishima shut him up with a kiss, which was something Tadashi would really enjoy getting used to. Last night they had kissed until Tadashi's lips were numb, but he still felt a shiver of nervousness run down his spine and knot in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't unpleasant though, far from it.

He reluctantly pulled away because he still wanted to get through his point, but he was embarrassingly out of breath. "What I want to say is, of COURSE you aren't perfect, but you don't need to be to be great. Tsukki, remember that time with Akiteru and volleyball?"

He didn't need to specify. "Yeah."

"He isn't perfect. But we still think he's great. He still is great." Tadashi leaned into Tsukishima's chest. "It would be stupid of me not to love you just because you aren't Superman."

"Kryptonite."

"Hm?"

"Superman isn't perfect, he has Kryptonite."

Tadashi laughed and kissed Tsukishima's throat. "You know what I mean. Besides...you were my role model for the longest time. I tried so hard to catch up."

"You work so hard." It was difficult not to melt under the adoring gaze Tsukishima watched him with. "You know you're really cool right?"

Tadashi beamed. "I do now. I tried too hard to be like you. But after we started spending more time apart, I realised that...I didn't have to be YOU. I could be ME."

"It would suck if you were me." Tsukishima grumbled. He studied Tadashi's hand in his, like he had just noticed it and was pleasantly surprised.

"I wouldn't want to kiss myself either."

Tsukishima frowned and ran his other hand up and down Tadashi's thigh absent-mindedly. That was another thing. Tadashi realised that Tsukishima was really touchy, whether it be when they were kissing or just falling asleep, he always seemed to be touching Tadashi, as if just to make sure he was still there. "I thought you were going to leave me."

"I almost did."

"I..." Tsukishima cleared his throat, and Tadashi kissed his hand again reassuringly. Talking this much about his feelings was definitely something Tsukishima wasn't used to, but something he was doing just for Tadashi. Tsukishima was in love with him, and it wasn't a dream. Tadashi kissed his hand again, just because he could. "I still can't believe you forgave me that easily."

"Shimizu-senpai told me that you helped her and Hitoka-chan."

"That..."

"And we've been best friends since forever. Of course I'd forgive you." Tadashi smiled. "Tsukki, the people and things you've found interesting besides documentaries I can count on one hand. For you to tell me I haven't been pining after you like a miserable urchin? AND that you wanted to kiss me back!"

To his delight, Tsukishima blushed. "I...I was also scared."

"Of?"

"It's true. I never wanted anything. Except you. I have no goals, or plans for the future...except to be with you. And that was enough, for a while." Tsukishima adjusted his glasses. "But...I wanted to figure it all out. I wanted to figure out what I wanted, but every time I tried...you. The plan was to confess, accept your rejection, then figure out all my crap without...what did you call it, pining after you like a miserable urchin?"

"Oh..." Tadashi exhaled. "That's why..."

Tsukishima said gruffly, adjusting his glasses (again) in a feeble attempt to hide his red face. "And THEN you ran away. And then I realized I was being an uncool coward. And then came back."

"What made you...?"

"Confess? I let myself be reckless. I wanted to stay with you, but more than that, I..." Tsukishima smiled and Tadashi melted in his arms. "I let myself believe you loved me enough for us not to totally screw this up."

"You thought I stopped?"

"You are more than I deserve." Tsukishima said, his voice uncharacteristically soft, as he ran a hand across Tadashi's chest, and up to caress his cheek.

And then Tadashi could feel Tsukishima's grin against his lips when he pulled the tall blond down by his collar.

"Don't expect me to always be this gay and romantic."

Tadashi laughed, straddling his best friend/boyfriend. "Oh?"

Tsukishima rolled his eyes but he was still smiling. "Yeah. Sappy stuff is your thing."

Tadashi kissed him again, pressing a hand down against Tsukishima's core, and up to his face. It was rather satisfying, to feel Tsukishima's pulse quicken and breaths shorten. "M'kay. Well, then let me just get a few things straight. Firstly, hell yeah we won't screw this up. Second, Tsukki, you are LITERALLY nineteen, NO ONE knows what they want, so take it easy. We'll figure that out. Together. Finally, if YOU won't be gay and romantic then I will be gay and romantic enough for the both of us, okay, Tsukki?"

Tsukishima looked up at Tadashi. "Yeah. That sounds nice. I'd like that."

[Five months later]

"Tsukki, we're going to be late!"

"We aren't late. She's early. Besides, it doesn't matter if we're late, it isn't like the baby will just disappear-"

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi linked their arms, forcibly dragging Kei towards the hospital.

"Nana Tsukishima please!" Yamaguchi said to the receptionist.

"A609. Sixth floor, fourth room to your left." The receptionist smiled at Kei. "And her husband is passed out on the chair outside that room. Shouldn't be too hard to find."

Kei wondered if Akiteru got more ridiculous with age, or if he just had low blood sugar or something. He let himself be dragged by Yamaguchi into the elevator.

"I'll get us and Akiteru some coffee!"

Kei wondered if it would be appropriate to kiss Yamaguchi right now, but his boyfriend had already run off in search of the lounge. He spotted Akiteru, looking like a dead man, collapsed in a chair outside A609.

"You look like shit," Kei greeted.

"Lil'bro, you're kind of mean, you know that?" Akiteru sighed, motioning for Kei to sit next to him. "Mom here yet?"

"Nah." Kei cracked a smile. "Dad is being stubborn, but he just hates changing his mind. They'll be here tomorrow if you ask them to come."

"No, they'll be here tomorrow if Nana asks them to come." He shook his head happily. "As soon as they gave her a chance, I knew that they'd love her."

"Mhm. So a little girl, huh?"

"She kind of looked like a naked mole rat when she came out." Akiteru confessed with a little snort. "So cute. I love her so much it is ridiculous. I didn't think that...well, parental love is a mysterious thing."

"It is an evolutionary advantage."

"Geez, Kei, you are so unromantic," Akiteru groaned, "Where's Tadashi?"

"Getting drinks." Kei stopped himself from adding, He is romantic enough for the both of us.

"Cool." Akiteru nodded.

"Why aren't you in there?"

"The nurse said I was being annoying. I got exiled."

"Ah."

"Which I wasn't. Being annoying."

"Sure."

"You think you can say hi for me?" Akiteru looked like a wounded puppy. A twenty-seven year old wounded puppy.

"For fuck's sake, Akiteru. Just go in and don't be weird."

"I'm scared."

"Of Nana?"

"No!" He looked away. "The nurse."

Kei rolled his eyes. "You used to be cool."

Akiteru grinned. "I fell in love."

Kei looked down, thinking of Yamaguchi. "Gross."

"Nope. I bet you were thinking of Tadashi!" Akiteru looked so darn proud of himself. "But also I've been awake for forty-seven of the last forty-eight hours so I may be a little loopy."

"Sorry for the wait!" Yamaguchi ran over, three cans of Red Bull in his arms. He beamed, and Kei squinted. "Hey, Akiteru congratulations!"

"I love you, Tadashi." Akiteru shot a disapproving look at Kei. "Why can't you be as cute as your boyfriend?"

_Because no one can._

"Because shut up and let's go. Tadashi?"

Yamaguchi shook his head, chuckling to himself. "Yeah."

* * *

"Her name is Saki."

Kei stared down at the pink faced baby in his arms, he turned to Nana, and tried to hide the fact that he was shivering. "Take her back."

Kei was scared. Kei was scared because Saki was sleeping soundly, wrapped in a cute seafoam green blanket and oh my god Kei just called a blanket cute this was not okay. Kei was scared because of how small Saki was, how lightly her heart thumped against his forearm, how her hands were the size of two of his fingers and by god, she was light, too light.

Nana smiled at him, kindly. She looked tired, but happy. She looked at him and Saki with such love Kei felt a lump in his throat, like he needed to call his mom because god, they worked so damn hard.

Look at him. The baby was making him fall apart. 

"Kei. It's alright. Saki seems to like being with you. You won't hurt her."

Yamaguchi leaned against his shoulder, warm brown eyes glistening with tears. "Look," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "she's smiling. Tsukki, she does like you!"

It was true, and Kei was now doubly agitated because he wanted to hug Yamaguchi and Nana for being so irritatingly nice and also because Kei really didn't want to let go of Saki.

Akiteru sat by his wife, grinning impossibly wide. "Can we tell him yet?"

Nana nodded. "Yeah."

Akiteru cleared his throat. "Kei, will you be Saki's Godfather?"

Tadashi stared at him blankly. "Like the mafia boss?"

"No," Nana explained, "someone to take care of Saki, someone to be around for her in case we can't. Or just to be there for her as a guardian, friend, mentor..."

Kei got it immediately, and looked down. "I...Akiteru, Nana, neither of you-"

"I know." Akiteru shrugged. "But...I'd like for you to be something like...I don't know. I want you as Saki's godfather. We both do."

Yamaguchi reached out a single finger, and gasped in delight as Saki grabbed it in her tiny, almost translucent fingers. "Tsukki...that's amazing."

"I..." his mouth had gone dry. "Yes. Thanks."

"No, thank you." Akiteru grinned. "My only request is that when she becomes a teenager and boys start liking her, you do that scary face you make sometimes at them."

Kei looked at him.

"Yes, that one! Perfect!" Akiteru declared and Nana rolled her eyes.

"Akiteru, darling. Saki is literally forty-one hours old."

Akiteru frowned, and Kei was struck with how much his brother was starting to resemble their dad.

"Can I...move?" Yamaguchi said, glancing frantically from person to person, as still as a statue. "I don't want to wake her!"

Kei chuckled and kissed Yamaguchi. "Don't. She'll wail like a siren."

He liked having Yamaguchi right beside him, and to have any excuse to hold Saki longer.

Nana nodded in agreement. "Akiteru, why don't you go sleep?"

"Sleep? Who needs sleep?" Akiteru yawned. "Me. Love you, honey."

And he promptly passed out in his chair.

Kei looked Yamaguchi in the eye. Their foreheads were still pressed together, and he didn't even care that Nana was smirking too much as she watched. "Do you want this?"

Yamaguchi bit his lip. "A little."

Kei knew it. He hadn't dreamed that he would ever want kids, but... "We can still make it work."

"Kei, neither of us have ovaries."

Kei shuddered. "Don't do that."

Yamaguchi giggled. "Sorry Tsukki. I forgot it was your job to dispense uncomfortable science stuff."

"That aside," Kei cleared his throat. He looked down at his feet. "Adoption. America. I can still give you it all. This."

Yamaguchi must have picked up on his fear, his humiliating desperation. "Hey. Hey, Tsukki. Even if you couldn't I'd still choose you. I will always choose you."

"Tadashi-"

"Unless you become a really awful person, and like, do bad things. And not regret them. Maybe then I'll have to slap some sense into you, but I'm sure everyone will help."

Nana gave them a small thumbs up.

"A really awful person?"

"Not my first choice of wording, but I didn't want to use bad words in front of the baby."

Kei loved Yamaguchi too much for his heart to be able to bear this.

"I see. Proceed."

"Right. So what I mean is, I love you, got that? I'll tell you as many times as you need to convince you that we are A-okay." Yamaguchi smiled goofily. "And super-duper gay. That sound good?"

Kei kissed him again. "Mhm. Don't ever rhyme again like that."

"No promises." Yamaguchi laughed, his mouth wide in one of those pleasant, open smiles. Kei kissed him again, just because he could. That was still a concept he couldn't wrap his head around.

Nana cleared her throat, eyebrows higher than than her IV pump. "As adorable as this is, I really need to pee, so..."

Kei sighed, reluctantly handing Saki over to a nurse, and went over to give his aunt (weird thinking of Nana as anyone but...Nana) and Yamaguchi did the same. After exchanging promises to visit again after she was out of the hospital, they left.

"So," Yamaguchi said, "Saki is cute."

"I hope Akiteru doesn't accidentally drop her. I know that mom and dad are gonna spoil her, and Nana said that her parents were crying of relief when she called so I think they will too. But Akiteru will definitely be a nightmare." Kei said.

Yamaguchi laughed. "I think YOU will spoil her the most."

Kei rolled his eyes.

"But when I saw you holding her, I think I almost swooned." Yamaguchi confessed, a pink blush dusting his beautiful, beautiful freckled cheeks. "You looked...really, really nice."

"Nice?"

"Hot." Yamaguchi kissed Kei's jaw, and smiled almost smugly when Kei turned several shades of red.

"Let's go, we are going to be late for the movie." Kei walked faster, and he could hear Yamaguchi's pleasant laughter behind him.

"Wait up, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi linked their arms as he finally caught up. "Geez, your legs are too long."

Kei smiled, and looked up at the sky, thinking that five months was not nearly long enough, having Yamaguchi at his side like this, but they still had plenty of time.

After all, eight years without Yamaguchi, ten years of cowardly (seemingly) one-sided love, and five months of pure bliss seemed short compared to the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhhhhhh! So I wrote this for @snowysatoru for InterHigh 2K17! This is my first ever challenge and I hope you liked it ^///^


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